Trying to put my stomach where my heart is

A couple of years ago I went for about 5 or 6 months without eating any meat.  After that I decided that I would only eat "ethical meat", that is meat that was raised in its natural environment, with few physical restrictions or modifications.  The meat would have to be organic, hormone free and antibiotic free.  This came on the heels of a friend (who is still not eating meat and I'm thinking it has been three years) starting his new ethical regimen and my reading of the book Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer.

I was happy this way for a while, never eating meat at a restaurant unless I knew the farm it came from and avoiding all fast food (except french fries of course, but that is another matter).  I felt like I was closer to doing the right thing while still feeling comfortable.  After getting the chickens, I started to wonder how much I had just rationalized what I was doing.  I loved my chickens and would never eat them, so why would I eat some other chicken?

I recently visited a woman who raises chickens for eggs and meat and I asked her how she can have affection for some and eat the others.  "Are they just, the ones for eating, so you don't look at them the same?  Knowing they won't stay around long, do you just try not to get attached, or do you just get desensitized to it over time?"  I said this to her knowing that I, along with many others often say "Well, I could never kill a chicken I raised, but I eat meat, and I don't think it's wrong".  Some of us acknowledge that this is hypocrisy while many do not. I say that knowing full well that no one lives life without contradictions, except maybe the Dalai Lama, and he would probably tell you how imperfect he is.  

But I digress.  What she said was "Well, they are a different kind of bird.  They don't really do anything but eat and sit."  She pointed out some birds that had not been large enough to process when she did her last batch.  Sure enough, there they were, just sitting in the dirt while the others pecked and scratched happily.  This was an angle I had not been aware of before, but I am still not sure it offers quite enough for me.  Enough what?  Enough of whatever it takes for me to feel like I am living and acting in accordance to my values.

So, even though I ate a grass fed burger out on Friday, I am making an agreement with myself that I am going to try to find recipes, and dishes when I am out, that reflect the way I felt about my sweet chicken Hazel when I had to pick up her lifeless body and dispose of it.  Reading this you must also understand this about me-I do not believe in self-deprivation and I do not believe in absolutes.  I will do my best but I will not flagellate myself if I mess up and I do not do this so that I can adhere to some arbitrary restrictive code in order to make myself feel superior.  It is just one of the things that I would like to aspire to in order to live a life of integrity.  I am NOT saying that anyone who does not live this way does not have integrity, again, just that this is part of what I want to do, to live in accordance with my values. I’m hiding my defensiveness well, aren’t I?

I wonder how many of you I have lost since I was initially writing this post because I wanted to post a picture of the dish that Mike made me last night Spicy Noodles with Peanut Sauce. 
Mike found the recipe for his delectable noodles from a site he frequents called CHOW.

Mike substituted some sunflower butter for peanut butter because he didn’t know we had another jar of pb.  I thought it was tasty and the textures of the noodles, crispy vegetables and the sauce went together very well.  I think it would be great for a picnic or a date out on the boat since it can be served cold or at room temperature.
 

Less justification of my choices and more recipes to come.

Chicken lady

Last August, I left my job working for the behavioral health department of a large hospital.  Having worked there nine years, I knew there would be a lot of grief and that I would need to be focused on something positive in addition to grad school.  My husband (reluctantly?) agreed to let me order some chicks, so I researched which ones were the easiest to manage and I decided on Light Brahmas.  Brahmas are a heritage breed and a dual purpose bird, which means they can be used for egg production or meat.  While I will never eat my birds, I love that they are giants, but still tame enough to let me pick them up and hand feed them daily.

We waited anxiously for the girls to start laying and then, a month and a half ago they did.  The eggs were beautiful, light brown eggs and each hen laid a distinct looking egg.  While some made a big ruckus before and after, Cleopatra quietly would sit in the coop and then step out nonchalantly as if she had just taken a brief nap.  The eggs have been amazing with golden yolks and a sweet fresh flavor.  While I am thrilled to have eggs coming from birds I know are happy and healthy, I haven't been as good as I would like to be about using them.  They haven't gone to waste as neighbors and friends are eager to get their hands on farm eggs from our yard birds.  But, I am a baker at heart and when I first got the girls, I was so excited about how righteous (Uh, I know) and delicious my cupcakes and cookies would be.

Despite the recent tragedy of losing Hazel to an attack by one of my dogs, who shall remain nameless here, lest his reputation for his general beauty and overall good nature be sullied, the remaining ladies, Cleopatra and Althea lay on, continuing to provide a bounty of gorgeous eggs for us to feast on.  We have gotten a lot of compliments about the flavor and appearance of the eggs and my husband and I are happy not to be paying a premium price for pasture raised eggs.